My Lady's Choosing: An Interactive Romance Novel: Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris

"Flirtatious repartee!  Scandalous intrigue!  Men in kilts!  And more...

"In this chooseable-path romantic adventure, you are the plucky but penniless heroine in the center of nineteenth-century society, the courtship season has begun, and your future is at hand.  Will you...

• Flip forward fetchingly to flirt with the bantering baronet, SIR BENEDICT GRANVILLE?
• Turn the page to true love with the hardworking, horse-loving Highlander, Captain Angus McTaggart?
• Chase through the chapters a good man gone mad, bad, and scandalous, in the arousing form of LORD GARRAWAY CRAVEN?
• Read on recklessly as the 'traveling companion' of the spirited and adventuresome LADY EVANGELINE YOUNGBLOOD?
• Or choose yet another tantalizing fate?

"Whether it's forlorn orphans and fearsome werewolves, mistaken identities and devious double-crosses, or long lost lovers and pilfered Egyptian artifacts, every delightful twist and turn of the romance genre unfolds at your behest!"


I saw this book as a new recommended reading a few months back from my former (amazing, nationally-ranked) public library.  I take screenshots of some of these books when the librarian's reviews really pique my interest?  A good romance novel?  Right up my alley.  A "choose-your-own-path" romance novel?  Never heard of it...super excited to try it out!  How many readers of this genre sit back and go, "Well I would've certainly handled that differently"?  I can tell you with complete honesty that I've done this more than a time or two.  This book presents a very unique opportunity to do just that!  Not only do you get to pick your path, but your choices determine which of the intriguing, charming suitors wins your hand!  It could be any of the men (or even woman!) noted above...or someone else entirely.  There are more than twenty (yes, you read that correctly) endings you can wind up living.


This book charmed me on so many levels, but I had to learn something very quickly:  THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS ROMANCE NOVEL!!!  It is fun, humorous parody.  The "descriptions" are overly cliché and read like something a novice writer would come up with, but you recognize that that's the point.  It's meant to not take itself seriously.  I can't tell you how many times I laughed while reading this (in a good way, of course).  This is satire at its most playful.  Sir Benedict Granville is a very blatant parody of Mr. Darcy from Austen's famed Pride & Prejudice (with a little bit more explicit behavior, of course); McTaggart is an amalgamation of every single (clichéd) Scotsman existing in romance novels, kilt and all (though I've not read many books with such overly-dramatized Scotsmen, I can certainly see where the parody came from and I applaud the authors -- I found it rather amusing).  Craven and his various story threads (without giving too much away) consist to varying degrees of classic Gothic writing and more modern paranormal romance.  The authors seem to have hit on so many aspects of romance novels set in the Britain in the nineteenth-century and I'm extremely impressed.


As I mentioned, I picked up this book believing it to be more serious than it was.  I adjusted my expectations accordingly (and rather quickly) and ended up enjoying this book quite a bit.  When I realized that it was more satire than serious, I thought I would feel like it was making fun of the genre (and its readers), but I didn't feel that way at all.  What good is being a reader and writer if you can't laugh at yourself every once in awhile?


I finished my first "journey" rather quickly.  Some paths are much more drawn out than others, depending upon your meandering choices, of course.  I did enjoy some threads much more than others, but that's to be expected.  This book hits upon so many aspects of the genre and archetypes that it covers a broad base of readers.  I doubt that anyone out there will adore every single one of the threads.  I caught a few tiny continuity errors (i.e. depending upon the path you chose, there might not actually be statues in the scene, but the next scene you encounter contained statues; however, if you had entered the second scene via a different page, then it all made sense), but nothing terrible.  I feel like this is to be expected when there are so many complex and intersecting plots.  I will caution you that if you're anything like me and you have a burning need to read EVERY SINGLE path this book has to offer...then it will take you a very long, long, long time.  In order to do so, I needed to adopt a complex method of tiny scraps of paper, checkmarks, and tallies.  I accomplished it (and, in the grand scheme of things, it really did only take me two days to get through it all), but it meant I had to be insanely organized and I couldn't stop for any interruptions or I would lose my place.  I didn't want to miss a single thread or ending.  That could just be me and I may just be a wee bit crazy.


For a lover of the romance genre, this is a great way to shake things up.  The structure and story are so incredibly unique and creative.  To come up with such an idea -- to treat a romance novel like a choose-your-path videogame or comic book -- is sheer genius.  I am so impressed with what this book ended up being and I loved the opportunity to laugh.  It absolutely does not take itself too seriously and it was a fantastic reminder that we shouldn't take our reading material too seriously either.


*Side note:  In researching a bit more about this book, I've discovered a bunch of other choose-your-path romance books!  I'm not sure if they're satire like this one, but I'm definitely interested to look into them.  Happy reading!

Talk to the Snail--Ten Commandments for Understanding the French: Stephen Clarke

"DON'T GO TO FRANCE WITHOUT READING THIS BOOK!

"Have you ever walked into a half-empty Parisian restaurant, only to be told that it's 'complet'? Attempted to say 'merci beaucoup' and accidentally complimented someone's physique? Been over-looked at the boulangerie due to your adherence to the bizarre foreign custom of waiting in line?

"Well, you're not alone. Internationally best-selling author Stephen Clarke has been there too, and he is here to help. In Talk to the Snail, Clarke distills the fruits of years spent in the French trenches into a handy (and hilarious) book of comentary and advice. Read this book, and find out how to get good service from the grumpiest waitor; be exquisitely polite and brutally rude at the same time; and employ the language of l'amour and le sexe. Clarke also illuminates some of the reasons the French get under our skins: How they work only thirty-five hours a week and yet still go on strike? Why are they so convinced of their own superiority? And what's this myth about French women not getting fat?

"Packed with useful phrases, candid tips, and deft intercultural analysis, Talk to the Snail is a must-have guide to getting what you want from the French."

I picked up this book at work for something to do when it was really slow. Little did I know that I would have to put it down many times because I was laughing too loudly in a library. It was HILARIOUS!!! I loved the wit and character that this book contained. The "commandments" themselves are only a hint at the laughter to come:

1) Thou Shalt Be Wrong (if you are not French): Why every Frenchman is 'Monsieur Right'
2) Thou Shalt Not Work: Why long weekends are good for the French economy
3) Thou Shalt Eat: Just because it smells of pig's droppings doesn't mean it'll taste like them
4) Thou Shalt Be Ill: Getting the best out of the French national drug habit
5) Thou Shalt Speak French: Fun ways to mispronounce words and offend people
6) Thou Shalt Not Sing (in tune, anyway): A French artiste says: 'Pretentious, moi?'
7) Thou Shalt Not Know: Don't mention the war, nuclear power, tax or structural surveys
8) Thou Shalt Not Love Thy Neighbor: Oui, I am smoking into your dinner, et alors?
9) Thou Shalt Not Be Served: Garcon? Waiter? Bonjour? Oh, forget it
10) Thou Shalt Be Polite (and simultaneously rude): Bonjour, Madame, vous etes une idiote
11) Thou Shalt Say 'I Love You': The perils of French-style amour

I have to say that number seven is one of my favorites, but all of the ten (though there are really 11...go figure...) commandments were awesome.

I REALLY recommend this book for anyone who likes to travel, plans to go to France, or is just looking for a REALLY good laugh!

:D

Why We Suck—A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid: Denis Leary

“Do you SUCK?

“Would you like not to SUCK?

“So you know other people who SUCK?

“Would you like to tell them how to SUCK less of how to possibly become totally SUCK-free?

“Then buy this book, because inside Dr. Denis Leary is ready to help you overcome all the sucky things that make you such a jackass. Not to mention all the fat, loud, lazy and stupid suckholes you have to deal with at the office, family gatherings or while using public transportation.

“Part memoir, part self-help to me but definitely a full-time funny assault on all the posers, politicians and pop culture icons who have sucked in public for far too long, this book is a call to arms for everyone who feels the way the good doctor does:

*Skinny jeans are for skinny people.
*Men will never change. Not even to clean underwear.
*If God didn’t want us to eat meant, why did He make the cow so slow? (Ever eaten a cheetah-burger? Nope. And you never will.)

“Buy this book and you will hopefully laugh out loud, call your mom a little more often and never vote for a member of the Bush family ever again.

“At the very least, though, you’ll have yourself a nice big twenty-six-dollar coaster to place your drink on while you watch TV. And isn’t that reason alone to buy it?”

I came across this book by accident one day at work (for those of you who don’t know, I work at the local library). I like Denis Leary as an actor and thought it might be interesting to see what kind of an author he was—not to mention that it was in the comedy section so I was excited about getting a bit of a laugh out of it too. Needless to say, I wasn’t disappointed.

His takes on the simplest things—from parenting and school bullies to Oprah, Dr. Phil, and the U.S. as a whole—were so raw and honest that I couldn’t help but laugh. I’ve honestly never read anything so blatant. Denis Leary has no fear. He’s not afraid of insulting his friends, the government, his peers, or the Pope.

I recommend reading the prologue because not only do you get a taste of his (ha! A commercial with Denis Leary just came on) acidic sense of humor; but you get a fair warning of what the book will be like. This book is not for the faint-hearted or easily offended. But for those of you who can handle it, this book is a hilarious read.